Candy Cactus
by MelaRossa
Summary: The cost of working to catch Kira? Just a few brain cells. A series of one-shot drabbles of the task force, L, Light, Misa, and Watari. Will contain BoyxBoy  and other pairings .
1. Headbanging

**I've been wanting to start a collection of drabbles for the task-force plus L, Light, and Misa for a while now. Finally, I gave in and had to write something. This is all because I was watching episode 5 and noticed how close L was to falling over. This is your fault, L. because of you, I've created another Fic. I hope you're proud of yourself.**

**The following chapters will contain yaoi, crack-like situations and dialogue, scenes viewers may find disturbing, and most importantly: my horrible writing which I am extremely apologetic for. Sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.**

Awkwardly, the five men stared at this... _owlish thing_ that called himself L. Needless to say, the pathetic excuse for a man stood out against the police officers sitting around the room, the air around them formal and well-mannered.

Then again, an gerbil would seem well-mannered when placed next to _this_ guy.

_'Seriously,' _Matsuda thought to himself, his hands awkwardly placed between his knees, '_They even wash their faces every few minutes. And behind their ears! Does this guy wash behind his ears? I bet he doesn't. That's so gross; I bet there's all kinds of stuff growing-'_

The disappointment to all gerbils looked at his cup, tilted his head, and pulled a disgusted face.

He placed the object back on the table and started unloading diabetes into it. As in, he started dropping enough sugar cubes into his cup that the contents became white grains with some brown liquid under it. Apparently indifferent to the stares of horror from across the room, he leaned further forward, bringing his body closer to the table, and reached to bring the china once again to his lips.

However, with all the best deductive abilities in the world, the great and genius detective L and not considered physics or gravity while attempting to succeed in this should-be harmless task.

His feet, now holding his body up by only his toes, were unable to grip the end of the armchair seat; the material was fancy and high-quality, but slippery and difficult to grasp onto. In painfully slow-motion, the occupants of the room were forced to watch as the 25-year-old man (_though you wouldn't know it by looking at him,)_ was sent hurdling forwards, his skull sent plummeting onto the front of the table. It _slammed_ down against the clean, waxed wood with enough force to raise the opposite end into the air by inches, before dropping back onto the ground with a heavy _'BANG!' _The china, sugar, and what little tea hadn't been dissolved into sludge jolted into the air before crashing down onto the floor, spilling themselves around the carpet.

Perhaps fortunately, if you are an optimistic person, as L's body came to join the cutlery and lumps of sugar on the ground, he avoided crushing anything that would prove to be sharp.

For a few brief moments, the team stayed silent as they stared at the lump of fallen man on the ground.

"...Shit!"

"Oh my God, are you okay?"

"What the hell happened?"

"Is he dead?"

L groaned a response to the last question, thankfully still alive and conscious. Slowly, he brought his hand to his head, and pulled himself up using the table, making a high-pitched whine once positioned correctly.

"Mother of _FUCK_." He cursed, nursing his forehead and squeezing his eyes shut.

The police members stared at the scene before them.

"_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, shitting FUCK that hurt." _He continued, making _"Ahh"_ sounds with his lips in-between swears.

For most of them, they opted for staying silent as Watari rushed in with a bag of frozen peas in his hand, much to the detective's displeasure, unsure of how on earth to react to such a surprising act of failed sitting. Matsuda was the only man brave (or stupid) enough to mutter a brief "A gerbil wouldn't have fallen over..." before allowing the injured L to continue the meeting.

He did not remove the peas for the rest of the night.

**Thank you very much for reading!**


	2. Payment

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.**

**Warning: Contains BoyxBoy material.**

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><p>L had no intention of ever receiving cash payments for catching Kira. He was not driven by desires for money, the only use he would ever have for it being to aid him in future cases and, much more importantly, purchasing more sweets.<p>

Justice was its own reward, and no amount of green paper would ever make up for that of the thankful words of the innocent.

But there was one form of pay that, after all his hard work, L felt he deserved.

He had tackled the world's most difficult cases without breaking a sweat and caught the most troubling criminals in the time it took to bake a celebration cake. But having to go so far as to chain himself to his suspect, friend or foe, there was just one thing that kept him satisfied in those long, tiring days. And, quite frankly, he wanted his reward.

The sun was a few hours from rising, but Light had only just managed to force his way into bed and finally rest his head on his beloved pillow, who he been missing since the moment he was dragged away from at a disturbingly early hour of the day. The newly found romance between boy and linen was a product of how little sleep he had managed to acquire since being subjected into the horrible sleeping routine L had decided upon. It was the perfect time to strike.

The detective started slowly, as he always did. He traced two cold, slender fingers along the boys neck, staring from the collarbone and making his way towards the ear. If the teen had been asleep before, he wasn't after that. He shivered in response, a trembling little flinching, knowing what was coming, and at the same time being too oblivious.

He tried sliding away, closer to the edge of the bed, hoping that maybe he would be granted just one night of peace. It was all he wanted. Just _one_ night of being left alone. But the older male was persistent, placing a hand in front of the boy as to stop him from moving any further away. _No_. This moment was his.

Light whimpered in response, much against his will. He cursed himself for making a sound of such cowardice, but his throat had betrayed him, and he hadn't known the sound was coming until it was too late. He could hear L smile in response, a cruel smile only he knew existed.

Those pale fingers found their way at his ear and pushed the strands of his eternally perfect hair out of the way, making way for his lips, leaving the soft flesh of his ear exposed.

The insomniac's breath tickled as he lowered his head, speaking so softly that the words came out like breathing.

"Did you know, Light-kun, that I could be poisoning your water and you would never know. And the best part is, no-one would suspect me of your death. I could make it look like a suicide if I wanted to."

Once again, boy in question made the noise of a distressed puppy.

His job complete, L drew back his head and resumed his previous owly sitting, returning to his tapping away at the laptop placed in front of his feet.

There were few things that gave him as much joy as tormenting his best and only friend.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading. I'm sorry for continuing this nonsense.<strong>


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